Contacting The Summoner

[likeabos]

sO, uH, 1'M JUST SUPPOSED TO TALK HERE R1GHT?
sAY SOMETH1NG TO 1MPLY THAT YOU CAN LEAVE A MESSAGE HERE AND 1 W1LL GET BACK TO YOU?
r1GHT THEN!
yO!
tHE GREAT AND M1GHTY SUMMONER HERE, h1STOR1CAL W1NGED CAVALREAPER OF AWESOMENESS!
lEAVE A MESSAGE AND 1 W1LL GET BACK TO YA,,,
oR YOU KNOW, cONT1NU1NG CALL1NG ME 1N SOME SORT OF ANNOY1NG WAY,,,
1'M SURE 1 W1ll P1CK UP EVENTUALLY,,,
nO, rEALLY,,,
jUST PUT SOMETH1NG HERE AND 1'LL GET BACK TO YA,,,
1 PROMISE,,,

Comments

[likeabos]

eW,,,
cOMPAR1NG ME TO HIM JUST MAKES ME WANT TO DO 1T EVEN LESS,,,

[Blugh. Creepy purples.]

tELL ME, l1TTLE GREEN DUDE, wHAT REASON DO 1 HAVE TO COOK YOU SOME AWARD W1NN1NG GRUB?
wHAT DO 1 GET OUT OF 1T?

[order_disorder]

[An unheard and ever-suffering sigh echoes across Caliborn's apartment.]

WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT COOKING? BRING ME SOMETHING RAW. LIKE. A STEAK. OR BACON. OR TWO STEAKS WRAPPED IN BACON. WITH HAMBURGER MEAT BETWEEN THEM.

BUT SERIOUSLY. I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO GO OUTSIDE. THERE IS A SERIOUS RISK THAT I MAY PROJECTILE VOMIT ALL OVER THE FIRST HALF-NAKED PERSON WHO TRIPS AND SULTRY SPRAWLS INTO MY PATH.
LIKE. WHAT IF THEY GET OFF ON THAT? THEN IT'S A PERFECTLY GOOD WASTE OF BILE.

THE POINT IS. MEAT. I WANT SOME.

[likeabos]

tHAT ACTUALLY SOUNDS K1ND OF GOOD,,,
oF COURSE 1'D PROBABLY COOK 1T, bUT 1 GUESS TO EACH THE1R OWN?

bUT, aHAHAH, REALLY?
yOU'RE AFRA1D OF GO1NG OUTS1DE?
nOT THAT 1 CAN BLAME YOU,,,
w1TH HOW EASY 1T 1S TO CASUALLY JUST WALK 1N ON ALL THE MOST SORD1D OF S1TUAT1ONS, 1 GUESS A GUY AS SENS1T1VE ON THE SUBJECT AS YOU WOULD HAVE A HARD T1ME,,,

hOW'S YOUR PAN BEEN DO1NG BY THE WAY?
aNY WE1RD CREEPY CH1P URGES YET?

[order_disorder]

HOLY FUCK. I'M NOT AFRAID. AND I'M NOT SENSITIVE. WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE. A WISPY LASS WITH THE VAPORS?

YOU WILL NOT SPREAD YOUR CHOCOLATE LIES BEYOND OUR MUTUAL BRAINPANSPACE. WHICH IS FINE, BY THE WAY. DESPITE THE RELENTLESS PARADE OF NASTY THOUGHTS. THAT ARE DEFINITELY NOT MY OWN.

EVEN SO. I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW. I HAVE BEEN A CONNOISSEUR OF PORNOGRAPHY FOR YEARS.
FOR ALL YOU KNOW. I'M LOOKING AT PORNOGRAPHY RIGHT NOW.

[likeabos]

yOU ARE THE WH1SP1EST OF LASSES, 1T 1S MOST DEFF1N1TELY YOU,,,

aND THOSE THOUGHTS ARE TOTALLY YOURS BY THE WAY,,,
tHEY ARE JUST YOURS W1TH A LOT OF PERSUAS1ON,,,
bUT ALL THE HORR1BLE D1RTY TH1NGS YOU ARE PROBABLY TH1NK1NG R1GHT NOW ARE TH1NGS YOU PERSONALLY WANT TO DO,,,

aNYWAY, 1THOUGHT YOU WERE WATCH1NG TELENOVELAS,,,
aRE YOU SAY1NG THEY ARE SEXY TELENOVELAS?
wHY D1D 1 NOT KNOW THOSE WERE A TH1NG THAT WE HAD 1N TH1S C1TY SOONER?

[order_disorder]

MAYBE I'M LYING.
BUT. THE QUESTION IS. WHICH THING AM I LYING ABOUT????
OOHHH. WHAT NOW, TOUGH GUY.
YOU WILL NEVER KNOW THE MYSTERY.
AND I WILL NEVER TELL YOU WHAT CHANNEL.

[Caliborn doesn't like to hear that the chip is actually his thinking. He thinks he knows his brain pretty well, and this is nothing that has ever happened to him before, not even in the worst parts of puberty.]

[So he decides to just not acknowledge it, because that's way easier than arguing.]

ALSO. CALL ME A LASS AGAIN? AND YOU'RE DEAD.
IS THAT CLEAR.

[likeabos]

tHAT 1ST THE QUEST1ON NOW, 1SN'T 1T?
aLTHOUGH, eVEN THOUGH BOTH TELENOVELLAS AND PORN ARE BOTH WONDERFUL TH1NGS,,,
1 ST1LL SAY THAT PORNY TELENOVELLAS ARE A TH1NG THAT SHOULD EX1ST,,,

1T 1S F1NE, tHOUGH,,,
1 W1LL JUST CHANEL SURF UNT1L 1 F1ND E1THER ONE OF THOSE TH1NGS,,,
tHE LATER PROBABLY WAY MORE L1KELY THAN THE SOONER,,,

aLSO, yOU WERE THE ONE WHO CALLED YOURSELF A LASS,,,
1 ONLY AGREED W1TH YOU,,,

oR ARE YOU SAY1NG 1 SHOULDN'T AGREE W1TH THE TH1NGS THAT YOU SAY?

[order_disorder]

THAT WAS RHETORICAL YOU STUPID SON OF A COW.
ARE ALL TROLLS AS STUPID AS YOU AND GAMZEE. AND IF SO. HOW ARE YOU NOT ALL DEAD.

OH.

WAIT.

HAA HAA. NEVER MIND.

[likeabos]

yEAH, yEAH, 1 KNOW ABOUT OUR SPEC1ES 1MM1NENT AND V1OLENT DEM1SE, tHANK YOU FOR REM1ND1NG ME,,,
bUT DURR1NG MY T1MEL1NE WE ARE ST1LL VERY MUCH AL1VE,,,
sO THERE,,,